Toni's Blog : Toni's Blog

jkg

2009-01-23T02:33:03Z

kgcj

2009-01-23T02:31:24Z

gfgtdghdgh

2009-01-10T02:13:07Z

kmbj

2009-01-08T23:32:24Z

kjklh

2009-01-08T22:50:39Z

bjkbhjbk

2009-01-08T03:16:12Z

jghjfhjf

2009-01-08T03:12:23Z

another one

2009-01-05T02:34:32Z

game

2009-01-01T21:48:05Z

Addicting DressUp

Videos

2008-12-31T21:15:39Z

I Don't Care Feat. Adam Gontier

Contradictions &Confusion

2008-07-11T02:30:26Z

Contradictions & Confusion

This time it is
not a joke.
She wants
to die.
She wants
to end it all.
This world
has no use for her.

Okay, so maybe
this is not entirely true.
But she does
want to bleed.
She wants
to bleed until
there is nothing left.
She wants
to pass out
on the floor
and quit breathing,
only to wake up
once again.

She wants
to go to
that awful place again.
The one where
the only view
of the outside world
is the barred windows.
Where every move
is monitored.
Where there is no need
to think for herself.
Where there is no need
to pretend she is happy.

She wants to be
lifeless, yet still alive.
She wants
her blood to flow
on the inside
as well as on the outside.
How can she have
both these things?

She wants to cry until
her tears run dry,
though she already has.
She wants to cease to exist.
She wants someone
to realize she already has.
She wants to wave a sign around
that reads DO NOT RESUSCITATE

She wants it to be known
that she has chosen this life.
She wants to live this way.
She wants to get it
through to them,
she does not
deserve
any
better.

Mas Poemas

2008-07-10T00:10:30Z

Mute

No words can describe the pain felt
when words go unheard
when feelings unsaid envelop you
and pull at your heart strings
until there are none left to pull,
until all thats left is bitterness and destruction

[and you decide to share your pain]

No words can express the hunger for acceptance
that eats away at your insides
that clouds your judgment
and turns you inside out
until hurt turns to apathy,
until sadness turns to anger

[and you get rid of it the only way you know how]

No words can describe the abandonment felt
when loved ones leave
when loneliness becomes a friend
and sadness welcomes you
until you don't remember how to feel
until acceptance becomes a burden

[and you wish they'd just leave you to die]

No words can express the confusion inside
that steals your sleep
that makes you feel worthless
and fills you with contradictions
until you can no longer pretend
until you can no longer take the life you've been given

[and you start to believe the lies]

Monster

Stop.
Stop loving me like this.
I can't, don't know how to, return the favor.
You think my thoughts, feel my feelings, speak my words.
I feel as if I'm losing a part of myself
and I've never been good at sharing.

Please stop loving me.
I don't want to hurt you.
I will hurt you. I guarantee it.
Spare yourself the pain.
You can turn around now and run the other way.
Run while you have the chance.

Be strong for me.
If you're weak,
I'm afraid the monster will take control again.
I want to love you but I've always hated the weak.
Stop loving me like this.
Stop.

Las Poemas

2008-07-02T21:58:43Z

Reflect

I stare at
my reflection
I want it
to bleed
I want it
to feel
the satisfaction
as the blade
breaks skin
I want it
to weep
crimson tears
and realize
it will
never
be enough

My reflection
stares
back at me
it wants me
to feel
the satisfaction
of knowing
I made it
one more day
it wants me
to throw
the blade away
and realize
I have
always
been enough

R.a.z.o.r

Resistance
it calls to you
allures your touch
until you lose strength
and can no longer fight it

Alone
sit and stare
at your fatal flaw
know you should resist
though you can't tear your eyes away

Zen
calm
after giving in
after so much bitterness
your heart no longer weeps

Optimistic
another goal set
you don't need this
tell yourself you're happy
until you start to choke on the lie

Relapse
need is too strong
don't fool yourself
you are not in control
give in to the keeper of your soul

She's not okay

She is standing there
can no one see her?
can no one hear her screams?
can no one see the tears she tries to hide?
can no one feel her heart crumbling?
Of course no one can see her
They won't take the time to look
because if they see her
they will see pain
they will see a girl who's falling apart
a girl who doesn't know how to cope
They're afraid to see her
because then they'd have to admit
she's not okay

Welcome

2008-07-02T19:29:02Z

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